I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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