I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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