i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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