So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
