somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
