you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
