dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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