Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
