OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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