I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Is Oprah even human
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
