He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Randomize
