and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Randomize
