maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
