I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
