Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
