Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
