you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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