There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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