The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
