I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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