I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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