wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
