Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
