I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
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