Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
