maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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