Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
