after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
