There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
