It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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