On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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