So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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