Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
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