So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
