Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
