What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
