Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
