My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
