I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
