how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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