Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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