I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
