He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
