shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
