Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
The dick lei will go down in squad history
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
