No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
