Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
