we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
