I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Randomize
