She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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