if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
