You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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