Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
