i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
