remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
