I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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