3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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