hell yes lets make some ravioli
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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