i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
