just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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